I’ve noticed that some people are still checking this site out, which is awesome – I’m sorry nothing much has changed of late.

I’ve been spending every single day drawing at the new rambler studio that everything else has taken a back seat – perhaps it’s obsessive, but I don’t care for unhealthy, overdone activities if it’s making me happy. There’s nothing like spending an entire day, through the night until 4am in the studio and looking over what you’ve created and thinking “I have no better way to spend my day, than doing what I’ve just done.” 

I wish that I could live in our studio from time to time, just to live above the street and create 24 hours straight, if my eyes and mind would allow me to do so. Although, taking the 15min drive back to my parents’ caravan where I’ve been staying this past month, is also a really nice release from creating. The caravan in itself is an almost tangent, but still relative, to the way I like to live my life and it’s also a massive and clear cut relation to my artwork – even though it is parked in a backyard in a small country town, rather than in the forest or by the beach. 

I like to think about where I might end up in the coming months – especially with my Solo show (If it’s between death and magic) coming up and also the rambler collective exhibition at Paradise Hills, I feel almost pressured to be in the studio to gather a massive body of work – but it’s also a really nice feeling to be in a place in my life, where I can escape and enjoy the world, or atleast NSW country side and Gippsland and on the odd occasion, Melbourne. 
So where might I end up and what might I end up doing? The sky is literally the limit. I’ve come to realise in the past couple of weeks, that being an actual “rambler” in the true sense, is the way to go with my life, to not be completely stuck down in one particular situation – I’ve been very, very fortunate to end up in a place where I have an amazing studio, in NSW and an amazing studio in Gippsland, where at both ends offer completely different living situations and environments to draw inspiration from. 
That’s not even all of it. At one end (NSW), I get to work solely with my incredibly artistic and motivated girlfriend and artist, Hollie m Kelley and stay in a .. dream-like-state on a small farm with animals and birds and a lake and a castle like house with a giant mudbrick barn.. and on the other end, I’m sharing with the third Rambler, Jamie Hall, who is also amazingly gifted and really inspirational to work with and be around. 

So anyway, I might leave it at that – I just thought I’d pop some words down on this here old, almost un-touched blog, and as we like to say ‘check in’.

I hope you’re all doing very well and I really, really hope that you stay safe and enjoy this Christmas break.

Alright!!!

Check, check.   

Today, I think is the first day this season to crack 30degress. Bliss. Summer’s almost here and this means a few bits and pieces.

I think the new adventure to the desert is in the mix, might spend a couple of weeks camping in S.A, maybe head into the N.T.

Drawing’s are coasting, that’s part of a larger drawing that’s around 60x250cm, that is of course the great estimate.

Elks.

I really want to focus on Australia and Australian bush and the animals we have here. I dont suppose you’d remember or know of the kangaroo drawing I did a bit ago, I think that was the break through. I loved doing that piece and I feel excited haha.

Anyway, just rambled mindlessly for ages.. Will stop.

Nan was on life support after a heart attack last Saturday (just over a week ago). When the doctors turned it off, I was there. I held my Nan’s hand as she passed on.
I have never done this before. That in itself was an experience and a half. Her hand wasn’t cold, but it certainly didn’t feel like a human hand. I described it to my friends like it felt; her hand no longer felt like skin, it felt like the rubber that those weird resuscitation dolls are made out of.
I didn’t cry when the monitor went bland, all the lines were flat – there was no real indication, other than the lines, that she had passed on. No alarms, no long winded sound like they play out on the movies when someones heart stops, nothing. Silent. Peaceful.
I sat there a little longer staring at her face, I swear she was about to wake up.. she really did look like she was sleeping.

I have seen three (now) dead bodies in my life. My Pop (on the opposite side of the family), a dead guy hanging out of a car at the aftermath of a car accident and now, my Nanna.

It was sad to be around my Mum, who lost her father when she was only 2 years old, realize she was experiencing the last moments of her mothers’ life. My aunt, too. It’s an epic story that could actually be played out in a movie, starring big names. My Nanna’s life, what she went through growing up, what she went through when she made the jounrey with my Pop to Australia from England – Being strong, caring, loving.

Anywho – Funeral arrangements were made and I was asked to be one of the six Pall Bearers for her funeral.
I said I would, but was no where in my mind and stomach ready for such a thing. I have difficulties with loss and have gone through a fair amount of it in recent years, but I did it. We went through the whole funeral process and the Eulogy and the singing and seeing everyone cry everywhere. I had nothing. I even tried to cry, but I couldn’t.

The drive out to the cemetary was calm and a little thinking time..we small chatted about the ceremony and all of that. Weird time, Limbo time, between the two places.

When we arrived at the cemetery – we were informed that the Pall Bearers were needed once again (which I didn’t know about and was just off in my own world, staring down the sky and surrounding graves).. I walked over to the hearse, which by the way was the scariest hearse they could have used and lifted Nan out. We were then informed that the grave had been mis-dug and we were to help hand lower her down. WHAT!

We walked Nanna over to her grave and rigged her up for lowering. Until this point, out of all the funerals I’d been to, I have never looked into a grave – refused to, I hated the thought.. and then here I am, with my dad, uncle and cousin, rope in hands, lowering my Nanna into the ground. It was confronting, but I’m so glad that I did it.

I used to have this amazing problem with death, you know, I think it may have been my biggest fear? I don’t know – perhaps – but I honestly think that from this funeral, losing my Nanna, helping carry her to her grave and lowering her down, has truly helped me understand it a lot more, who knows.

Anyway – Life surely does go on.
Thanks to all the words and love I’ve received from friends and family, thanks to my best friends back home in Traralgon, James S, James R, Jamie and Kylie and of course Hollie, for being there for drinks, conversation, lunch and of course my family for sticking together, coming together and helping my Mum through the difficult process of burying her mother.

That’s it, seeya later.